i must be irie
feeling good, everything must be alright. to be at total peace with your current state of being. The way you feel when you have no worries.

forgot to update this

maybe i’ll abandon this blog for real.

things are just getting crappier than ever.

hohum

goodbye

SCREW YOU.

For making me feel that I’m not good enough.
For making me feel that you’re worth the try.
For making me believe that you really love me.
For making me hope that not all people leave.

SCREW YOU.

I am done with crying alone. You turned my heart into stone. So I keep myself away from people who fall for me so fast because I know that they will only leave me if they will realize that I wasn’t the perfect girl they thought I was.

Don’t waste your time on someone who does not appreciate you the way you should be appreciated. Don’t ever settle for mediocrity, for being just an option, for being the one who is just fun to be with, for being the one who is always there desperately waiting, for mere concern or pity or for someone who likes you just because s/he knows s/he’s got the power to break you. Don’t settle because deep down, you know who you are and you know without a doubt that you deserve better if not the best.

the last time i opened the monitor of our pc and browsed the internet, one page really gave me an untolerable pain - a pain that cannot be relieved by any pain relievers or any narcotic agents. a pain that i never felt before. or maybe, it’s not that painful though. maybe it’s JUST ME.

i want to blame myself for being such an emotional person. i can’t still control my feelings and i am truly a sensitive one. this is really my biggest weakness of all. haaayyy how i wish i would overcome this weakness of mine.

in 5 stages of grief by Kubler ross, maybe i’m still in the stage of denial and anger. i just can’t believe that these are really happening. and i don’t know when i will be able to get through the stage of bargaining, depreesion, and finally, acceptance. this is so hard for me. ho hum.

now, i don’t know what to do next. i blame again myself for not controlling my reflexes. i’ve said that i will not open his profile so that i will not get hurt. but, i don’t know why i did that. the result: a stabbing and gnawing pain at the chest area.

really, i’m afraid of what will happen next. i presume that my emotions will affect my preparation for board exam. i hope it will not. 5 days to go, i must be prepared for it: physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. hayz. last sunday, i took my exam with a blast. i can’t take away what’s running inside my head. i’m distracted. but good thing, i managed. i only got one failing exam out of 6 exams in final coaching in MS. and a while ago, i got the highest score at pharmacology. but, i’m still kind of nervous. oh my…i hope this feeling will disappear..ASAP.

now what? what will i do next? they say i must move on. but how? i don’t know the principle of moving on. can you help me. i know, it’s been months. having the belief of someday the two of us will be together again is now erased in my mind set, and i have to convince myself that i must forget all about him. it may be harsh and hard, but i think it would help. i need to save myself from stupidity. i need to convince myself that he didn’t deserve me, much more i don’t deserve him. i deserve more.

i have to get a life now. i need to move on. i need to catch my breath and learn to breathe. i need your help. please?

I’ve been avoiding Friendster, and the specific reason to why I’m doing it escapes me. No, it doesn’t. Maybe I’m just too ashamed to admit it to myself, what more to the other people out there. Wala lang. Sometimes kasi I see things I don’t want to see, and they make me hurt. And I don’t like that. They bother me. Yeah, I move on with it quickly, but if all these things go simultaneously, wala. Hirap.

-quoted from vicky’s blog. an old blog friend.

taena.

shit lang talaga

T_T

it’s been a month since my last post. haha. as if there’s someone who’s reading this. oh well. i’m here just for the sake of updating. even my idlip.net is not that updated well either.

so what’s up with me.? well, i’m doin fine. review is killing me softly. ho hum. 27 days to go. i know i will survive and surpass everything in God’s grace.

i’m being lazy right now. instead of holding my book and handouts and read, i’m here now in front of the pc updating this forgotten blog.

wala lang. i’m somehow pissed off today. i still have this feeling of jealousy to a friend of mine. maybe, they’re texting with each other at this very moment. i’m taken for granted na naman. and he’ll gonna text me just because the girl is not txting him. i’m concluding again that i’m just his option. oh well. ganyan talaga ang buhay.

i’m just an option pala. then i’ll make him an option too.

actually i miss someone. and i’m starting to like him na. but i know, were just friends. so maybe, i must start to stop thinking of him.

now i’m thinking of boys again.so loser. i should focus on other things instead. like my review. but i’m still bothering for what will happen. well, i’ll just cross my fingers and i believe someday, somehow, someone will come to my life, and soon will become my LIFE.

dramatic comeback eh?
sorry

my current LSS

It’s been the longest winter without you
I didn’t know where to turn to
See somehow I can’t forget you
After all that we’ve been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who’s there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn’t know
If you didn’t notice you mean everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
All that I know is I’mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
It’ll all get better in time

I couldn’t turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I’m dreaming don’t wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that’s the path
I’ll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn’t notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
All I know is I’mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
It’ll all get better in time

Since there’s no more you and me
It’s time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I’ll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do)
It’ll all get better in time

me and him talked at each other last night. and luckily, things just moved into right places. i mean, everything is clear now..everything was okay. we’re good friends now. and i’m happy about it.

what i’ve learned from this, is that, continuous communication is very essential in a relationship, not just in a boy-girl relationship, but most important, in a friendship. he said that he really want to pursue friendship just for now, and he even planned to call me, but he didn’t do so because he thought im way too busy right now..i just said that “hindi mo kasi ako tinatanong kung busy ako o hindi”..and the two us just laughed..

i really missed his voice. his laughs..the way he make yabang to me. i really missed him a lot. super.

is this the end? no. it’s just that like he said, the two of us just wanted to have space and give each other the opportunity of exploring the world of singlehood. right now, we’re enjoying each other’s company..our intimate relationship to be continued maybe not now..time will tell. what’s important is that we were good. the two of us realized that if we are destined to be with each other in the future, thy will be done. God has good plans for both of us. and i really thank Him for everything…this will not happen if he’s not with us.

i should stop putting him in the center of every post’s topic. ehehehe

or maybe i should stop having thoughts of him which make me not so sick, but..uhmm..a lil bit weak.

so i should stop right now.

hahaha.
now i’m laughin like crazy
oh well.

happy 2nd birthday to me here at wordpress.
and happy 2nd yr of friendship to me and my ever dearest brother in wholewide world, dominick.

oh my. the greatest weakness of mine: how i remember dates. i really do remember dates. which, according to one of my online friend, it’s a weakness. i’ll not tell you why. haha. stop being bitter and i must be IRIE!

okay. i should not convince myself. not push myself towards being IRIE. i guess i should be like it willingly. oh well. time will pass. just stay happy and i’ll be happy all the way.

so random.
bye,

its been a year already since i’ve said my first ever “yes” to a special person of my whole life. i’ve commited to a relationship which didn’t last for a year, but has been good to me, atleast.

now i realized that nothing lasts forever. i’ve thought that this day will be one of my most unforgettable event of my life, expecting that the both of us will now celebrate our special day. just as i thought.

oh well. 9 months was fine with me, since that was my first time on a relationship thing. and i can do nothing with it. i know everything was planned according to Him.

what i can do for now is to stay happy as i am. i know that no one will make me happy except me.

but, one thing that i cannot do is to get over him. whatever happens, he will be the same person whom i’ve known from the start…the person that i’ve loved and will be loved forever.

sounds pathetic ayt? but that doesn’t mean that all my life will be given to him. NO. i may love another person in the future, but my love for him will not cease. maybe, the extent of loving him will change, and this is a case-to-case basis. it will really depend on how things would happen as it is.

everytime i remember him, i became sad. but it didn’t allowed me to be stucked forever. instead, i just thought of our happy moments…the first time we saw each other faces, the time spent texting or calling each other till the wee hours of the morning..when your mother treated me as if i’m a member of your family..everything.. those things were very nostalgic. and i’m happy about it…happy knowing that in some way, some how, a person like him had loved me and treated me like no one has treated me before.

and i thank him for that.

i hope that he’s happy also. he may not remember me today, but at least this day will not spoil his happy mood, i wish.

I Stay In Love (Main) - Mariah Carey

i hate this feeling. this colds really kills me. thanks to my blockmates (nursing audit) who let the aircon at the alfonso hall blow its cold air at the fullest.

ok. no one’s to blame except me. i’d like to blame my adipose tissues for not guarding my body from cold environment during our lecture. fats are not enough. pink striped jacket is not enough though. i felt like dying a while ago., and didn’t make any regrets on answering our test drills too fast. i’ve decided to leave the hall early or else i’ll die from hypothermia.

tomorrow, i’ll visit the md. hopefully, mr blank is there. assuming that he will ask questions on how did i acquire this condition of mine, and i”ll answer this:

“anlakas kasi ng aircon sa alfonso eh. ayan tuloy, sinipon ako ng bonggang bongga..ala na po bang ibang room para sa amin?”

joke. just in case lang naman eh. baka gawan niya ng paraan. lol. kidding aside, the room assignment of our block will be a good place for review, only if the chairs has its own desks.

and most especially…

no med students having their case presentations just beside our location while having our drills.

*sipon drools*

they advised us to review. and see, i’m blogging. studying makes me allergic. studying makes me sick. so Help me God. (dhang, gaya gaya lang eh. haha)